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Is It Transphobic To Not Date A Trans Person?

Is It Transphobic To Not Date A Trans Person?

A question that is prominent in certain circles of the Internet these day is, “Is it transphobic to not date a trans person?” The short answer? No.

Ok, so I can stop writing now? No, I’d better explain my point of view.

Sexual attraction is a very personal thing. Some men prefer blondes, some brunettes. Some men prefer curvy women, some prefer slim. There are heterosexual people and there are gay people. Each person has their preference.

But here’s the thing. All of a sudden, when it comes to preferences, this is supposed to go out the window and not be applied to trans people.

I don’t deny trans people’s right to be trans. Frankly what another person chooses to do with their life is their business not mine. As long as they do their thing and it doesn’t affect my life. I’m cool with that. However, when they expect me to change my world view to conform to theirs, I’m not cool with that.

When I decided to write this post I decided I needed to read a few articles arguing that you are indeed transphobic to not date a trans person. It’s instructive to do, because you get an understanding of why some trans people are arguing this way.

From one article written by a trans woman:

“Transphobic people will assert practically anything to get away from the much simpler truth, what trans people have been saying for decades: that trans women are simply women who were mistakenly assigned male at birth.

This statement was staggering to me in its level of delusion. Mistakenly assigned male at birth? What you mean because you had a penis? Er, that’s not a mistake; It’s generally how we determine the sex of a child.

Ok, I get the idea that trans people have a female brain in a male body or vice versa. I get that. If you spend your whole life feeling you are in the wrong body and need to change that, yeah fine. But mistakenly assigned male at birth? Sorry. You can try selling that one to me all day long and I still won’t be buying it.

The other one that got me was the complaint this person had about the fetishizing of trans people. Yeah well it’s really fucked up darling but some men get turned on by the idea of a chick with a dick. Hang on, wasn’t the original complaint that men didn’t want to date trans women? Oh yeah, there’s a difference between wanting a sexual encounter with someone and wanting a relationship.

Further down the aforementioned article there was this gem:

“Are you afraid of genitals you’re not familiar with? Some trans women have a penis, some don’t. Some trans men have a penis, some don’t. You can’t assume someone’s genitals based on their identity, and more so, you might be missing out on sex that’s fun and pleasurable just because you’re unable to see a penis as feminine or a vulva as masculine. How is my permanently attached strapon functionally any different than a cis woman’s detachable strapon?”

What the actual fuck? You have got to be kidding me. You’re unable to see a penis as feminine? Yes, too right I fucking am. A penis is so quintessentially male, it can not possibly be seen as anything other than masculine. To even write this show how far down the transgender propaganda rabbit hole this person has gone.

And then this one from the comments section of the article:

but I also think it’s valuable to think about where that lack of desire for someone with a penis comes from, and whether it reflects social assumptions that everyone with a penis must be a man, and therefore rooted in internalized homophobia.

fuck me.. wrong, wrong, wrong and wrong. On every fucking level. I prefer to sleep with people with vaginas. It’s not internalised homophohia.. it’s just fucking preference. I don’t have homophobia; if I wanted to to have sex with someone with a penis I would. But I don’t. This is like the vast majority of people. Heterosexual people who choose to have heterosexual sex are not homophobes; they are simply people who are acting according to their preferences.

From what I could see the crux of the matter for trans people is that they have always seen themselves as a women and as such they should be treated as any other woman. If you are deep in this mindset, I can understand why you would feel aggrieved that you are treated differently.

However, it’s not that simple. You are not “any other woman”. You were born with a penis. And in the case of the article I have been quoting, it would appear, still has a penis. Now I know you think that’s really unfair that this happened to you, but it did. The rest of the world doesn’t share your view that you were always a woman. For the vast majority of the world, for someone who is transgender,  the phrase, “used to be a man” is a thing. And to be expected to be treated like “any other woman” when you have a penis is simply fantasy land level absurd.

From my point of view I don’t even feel the need to ask sexual my partners if they have a penis before I sleep with them. And assuming that I did, if I got the response “not any more”, it’s not something I want.

Bottom line is, I get to decide who I sleep with. No one else dictates that to me. And when some people start suggesting that unless I would be open to the idea of dating a trans person I am transphobic, I see only one course of action available to me.. speak up and push back against that nonsense.

The article I quote from can be found here, if you really want to read it and tell me I’m being too harsh.

When You Say “I Would Never Date A Trans Person,” It’s Transphobic. Here’s Why.


About The Author


A guy obsessed with stripping down whatever field he studies to get the optimum return from effort expended. Sort of like Tim Ferriss, except with zero fame.

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